Negative thoughts, the bug bear of my life and yet in a weird way I am hooked on them. Why do we always torture ourselves with thoughts that distress us, make us anxious and steel our happiness?
Our brains are genetically wired to focus on the negative; a throwback from ancient times when we always had to think of the worst case scenario in case a tiger was lurking close by, ready to attack.
But seriously, why do we hang onto these worst case scenarios when in this day and age they are no longer relevant.
Sometimes it’s because we love the drama that negativity creates and we delight in drawing people into it. It’s wonderful to get attention, to have people jump into the pit with us and join in our misery. We wallow around in the murky depths, languishing in the limelight and for a moment it feels great. But then the people around us get bored, they don’t want to be dragged down and they climb out of the pit in search of more uplifting energy.
What happens then?
You are left alone with your misery and that feels horrible.
I love the saying “misery loves company but company hates misery”; it’s so true.
If you find yourself wallowing around in the pit for too long, looking for company, it maybe time to take some action.
I realised when I was feeling unhappy it was because my negative self-talk was too loud. Instead of letting these thoughts drop in for a quick visit I allowed them to set up home. Fortunately for me I have a low tolerance for unhappiness so I was keen to get to the bottom of why this was so.
Firstly, I recognised that thinking negatively was easy to do and if I wanted to change this habit I needed to put some conscious effort into rewiring these well traversed pathways.
Secondly, it occurred to me I didn’t want to feel unhappy for too long. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling, it didn’t help me in any way and it stopped me from achieving my goals. So why would I persist in hanging onto these negative thoughts!
That was a light bulb moment for me!
Why would I persist in hanging on to my negative thoughts when they made me feel unhappy?
So now, whenever I am feeling out of sorts, I put my self-awareness hat on and check in with my thoughts to see if any unwanted visitors have set up home whilst I have been away. If this is the case I try and look objectively at these thoughts. If they are not helping me I thank them for their visit and then ask them to leave. In the space that is left I create more helpful thoughts. Positive thoughts that part the clouds and let the sun shine in.
It’s not always easy to do and it takes a lot of hard work, but the end result is worth it.
You should give it a try!
Be happy, colour the world.
Claire
