Love and compassion or safety?

This week’s blog is more of a pondering blog. I have no definitive answers to some of the questions I am about to pose to you but I would love your input.

I had an unusual experience on one of my morning walks just recently that left me unsettled and questioning some of my new found beliefs.

Please allow me to set the scene.

It was a really cold morning for Brisbane, only 6 degrees, so I snuggled in bed for a little longer than usual. I finally threw off the doona at 7.15am, put my exercise gear on, brushed my teeth, splashed water on my face and headed out the door for a brisk walk at about 7.30am.

As I walked down my street heading for the intersection that would lead me up the hill to walk around the block I noticed a man. He was probably in his early 30’s, sauntering across the intersection with mobile phone in hand looking down and either reading or texting. My first observation was that he was really rugged up with a beanie, fashionable gum boots and quite a heavy coat. Not someone who looked like they were out to huff and puff and do some serious exercise.

My radar was on just a little bit because you don’t normally see someone sauntering around the streets by themselves at 7.30 in the morning. At the rate I was walking I was going to meet him right at the point in the intersection where I turned right, making it impossible not to notice each other. I really didn’t want to engage in conversation, I just wanted to keep striding and get my walk over and done with, however he had a different idea.

As I approached he quickly put his mobile phone in his pocket and looked at me with a big wide grin on his face. His teeth were pearly white and his skin a deep olive complexion. I am not sure what his heritage was but the first thought that flashed into my mind was Jamaican. He looked really friendly and I can never resist a big grin, so I smiled back and said “Good morning, it’s really cold isn’t it”. He replied “yes” and then straight away zoned in close to my personal space and asked if I was going to work and which way was I walking.

The alarm bells started to ring and I was rapidly preparing for fight or flight. I wasn’t prepared for this. I was happy to say hello but there was no way I wanted to divulge any more information and I certainly didn’t want him that close to me. However I replied, “no I am not going to work today I am just going for a walk”. He immediately said “which way are you walking, can I walk with you?” Oh crap, what do I do now. I immediately said “no thank you I like to walk on my own, you have a nice day” and I was off. I put my head down, increased my pace and left him behind to ponder my response.

As I headed up the hill, heart pounding and a thousand thoughts rushing around in my head, I couldn’t help but feel afraid. Was he going to follow me, was he going to wait at the bottom of my street for when I came back, where was he going now, maybe he might get in a car and follow me around and the stories just kept flooding in one after the other. Then another little voice started to creep in, one that was trying to rationalize and calm me down. This was my higher thinking taking over, the part of my brain called the cerebral cortex that has the ability to analyse and rationalize the situation instead of reacting instinctively.

That little voice said “hang on a minute Claire, is there any truth to all of the stories that you have made up in your head? What would love and compassion do in this situation. What if that man was fairly new to this country and was just seeking out some conversation. What if it is natural in his culture to walk and connect with people. What if he was lonely and just wanted some company. “

These were the words that started to replace the fear driven stories in my head.

Two of my highest values are love and compassion and yet I didn’t stop to consider those values in that situation. I am also a big believer in giving happiness away and making someone else happy and yet once again I didn’t stop to consider that either. I was in pure self preservation mode, acting out of fear.

Everything in my past experience told me that this was not a ‘normal’ situation.

This man was dressed fashionably with trendy gum boots on; you don’t go out exercising looking like that! Well I don’t.

A young man does not outwardly ask a middle aged woman, who he doesn’t know, to walk with him. Well according to my view of the world, he doesn’t.

Young fashionably dressed men, don’t go out for a walk on a chilly winter’s morning at 7.30am. Most young men, if they are not working, would still be in bed. Well that’s what my past experience tells me.

I am not sure what I should have done in this situation. My feelings of unsettledness come from not honouring my values. I don’t like living incongruently and yet would I have been taking the love, compassion and happiness thing just a little bit too far in this situation? Would I have come to any harm spending 30 minutes walking with a stranger?

This is where the lines get blurred. I believe in staying open to possibilities, that no meeting is a coincidence, that we should communicate more with people, that we are all connected in some way, that we need more love and compassion in this world, and that we should trust our intuition.

I had an opportunity to act on all of the above but I didn’t do it in this situation, I didn’t act on my beliefs and walk the talk.

Do you think in this particular situation I am taking this happiness thing just a bit too far?

Love, compassion, safety… in what order should they be acted upon?

Am I being naïve questioning my response or was I being astute?

Was I prudent to act instinctively and trust my intuition or should I have stayed open to the possibility of an interesting conversation with a new person.

I would love to know what you would have done or what your thoughts are on my ponderings?

Be happy, colour the world.

Claire