A few months ago I delivered a presentation on happiness to an audience of 120 people. It was called Happiness First Aid and it provided people with the tools to build a happier life.
It was an upbeat, happy presentation with some simple take home messages people could put into place straight away. Overall it was received with laughter, smiles, nods of heads and some wonderful engagement.
I thought I did a pretty good job and I was proud of getting up and putting myself out there. Whenever I present it comes from my heart and in doing so I feel immensely vulnerable.
When I read the feedback from people in the audience, I started to doubt whether, in fact, I had done a good job. 78% of people agreed that it was a valuable presentation but 22% were less than satisfied and one person stated that my presentation was “unnecessary and ridiculous”.
I can’t believe how much that comment affected me. Even as I read it I felt a slow warm flush of embarrassment spread across my face, my heart started to thump loudly in my chest, my hands became clammy and I felt sick in my stomach. I immediately tried to imagine who this person was, I mentally scanned the audience in my mind and searched for unhappy faces, but of course that was impossible in crowd of 120 people.
What had I done to upset this person so much that they would go to the trouble of writing a comment like that? Was my presentation ridiculous and was I just kidding myself that it was successful. What did the 22% of people think, who weren’t that fussed with my talk? Did they also think it was ridiculous and unnecessary.
Next weekend I am going to conduct this same presentation with a similar group of people in Cairns and instead of being confident and excited, I am feeling anxious and apprehensive.
That said, I am not going to let this negative feedback get the better of me and these are the reasons why
1. It’s impossible to please everyone all of the time
It would be naïve of me to think that every person who listens to me present will resonate with my style, my message or my content. Everyone in this world thinks differently to me. There is no right or wrong way of thinking, just different ways.
Sometimes I am that person sitting in the audience who doesn’t resonate with the speaker nor their message. Maybe it was bad timing, maybe I wasn’t ready to hear the message or maybe I didn’t agree with what they had to say. Regardless of what it is, it would be unrealistic of me to think that I can get a 100% buy in from an audience.
So it is time to put on my big girl panties and embrace the fact that not every one is going to like what I have to say. It’s called a fact of life.
2. It’s not about me but the message I have to share
Every time I get up on stage I have to put my ego aside and concentrate solely on the message I am there to deliver. It’s not about Claire Massingham, it’s about building a happier life. If I believe fully in what I am doing and know deep in my heart that the message I am delivering is for the greater good of all, then one comment and a few unsatisfied people should not deter me.
There is nothing more powerful than the sharing of a message that comes from a place of love and not a place of ego.
3. It’s important to stay true to who I am
I was seriously thinking about changing my presentation and taking some of the fun stuff out incase it was this content that provoked the ‘ridiculous and unnecessary’ comment. However a wise person pointed out to me that it was vital I stayed true to whom I was. If this was my authentic style I should have the courage to embrace it and not be swayed by the comment of one person. After all 78% of people loved it!
4. Stop focusing on the negative
Why is it that I ignored the fact that 78% of people were happy with my presentation and instead focused all of my energy on the 22% who were not? My rational brain told me that I had done a great job but my emotional brain kept telling me another story.
I know that I am a sensitive person who feels deeply and most of the time this serves me well. However, this is one of those times where I need to put feelings aside and flex into my left rational brain and focus on the facts. 120 people walked out of the room that day with some tools to build sustainable happiness into their lives. 93 of those people received the message with an open heart and will hopefully put those tools to good use at some point in their lives. Maybe the other 27 will be ready to receive the message at another time from another person and if not that is ok.
How to cope with negative feedback
The next time you are faced with negative feedback can I encourage you to accept it with courage and don’t let it deter you. Like me, your first instincts may be to run away, hide and lick your wounds. But this won’t help you grow and learn. Take a step back like I did and instead approach it with your rational and logical brain.
It won’t immediately take the sting out of the feedback but it will give you a more balanced approach to your next steps. Dreams don’t come to true in a day, they take bravery, resilience, determination and a steadfast commitment to never give up.
Be happy, colour the world.
Claire
Claire…..I just want to congratulate you on your fantastic presentation up here in Cairns that you presented Saturday for the Type 1 Diabetes Conference. I found your energy and enthusiasm to be uplifting and inspiring!! People whether they think they need it or not can gain so much from your positivity, what a happier world we would live in if everyone took even just one thing from your talk :-). My husband and I sat around the table tonight and talked about how much we gained from your talk with our children…….keep up your amazing, inspiring work that you do….keep smiling :-))
Vicki, thank you so much for your feedback. How wonderful that you shared the Happiness First Aid message with your children, I can’t stop smiling. I really appreciate you taking the time to let me know how much you enjoyed it.
Great post Claire! Negative feedback is definitely tough to deal with, but it usually helps us…eventually. You impacted 93 people with your powerful message that is no mean feat! If you want some very blue feedback…. A percentage of people read satisfaction scales backward, so there will always be some people who tick they are unsatisifed even though that’s not really what they mean… Plus the fact that I know this is my blueness coming out to shine is because you are so good at doing what you do!
Liz
Liz, can’t tell you how much your comment means to me. The absolute best thing about getting feedback from a blue quadrant is that i know it is 100% authentic and true. No fluffing around, just the plain truth. Love it and thank you.
As usual another thought provoking blog. As soon as I read your intro I jumped in my mind to the point you made later down the track in Number 4. The fact that 78% of your audience had positive gains from your presentation is a huge win. I also can’t help but think the negative comments made by the one participant actually states more about them as a person then about you as a person and a presenter. It probably annoyed them to the max that a gorgeous, vibrant, positive human being was standing in front of them thinking they could possibly have something to offer that may improve their life! How dare you! I think the incredible thing is that you actually got inside their head and had an impact, and once they clear their mind I know that you will have changed their thought process for the better too. Keep on doing what you’re doing- you were born to stand outX
Thanks for your wonderful support Nik and I hope you are right that maybe down the track something that I said may pop up and remind that person that mental wellbeing is just as, if not, more important that physical wellbeing.
Thanks for another great blog, Claire 🙂
I got some criticism on one of my articles the other day. The person was mortified by the term ‘positive psychology’ and talked about the importance of negative emotions. I almost changed the focus of my next article to accommodate this feedback, but the new article just didn’t feel right. I went back to my original plans and the article flowed really nicely. The Australia Times health magazine just accepted it as is – no changes.
I agree with you. We need to stay true to ourselves and our message, even if some people just don’t get it.
Connie, thank you so much for taking the time to comment and share your experience. I know negative feedback is a part of daily life, especially when you put yourself out there. It is good to know I am not the only one who takes it so personally and even better to know that you also stuck to your guns and stayed true to yourself. I think that is the most important lesson. How awesome that the Australian Times health magazine accepted it, well done! It’s wonderful to see the message of happiness being spread far and wide.