The raucous laughter started quite early in the evening last Friday night. It penetrated the darkness, travelled through the open balcony door into our unit and bounced off the walls of our living room. It continued on throughout the evening with squeals of delight and loud bursts of merriment, drowning out the noise from our TV.
I was grumpy about this interruption to my evening; for god sake can’t I sit in my own lounge room without having to put up with other people’s frivolity!
I retired to bed at 9.30pm tired from a big week filled with stress. In fact the past three months have been unusually stressful. I seemed to have been pulled into a vortex of darkness; a darkness that I am unaccustomed to. Firstly my father-in-law passed away in February, then not long after my dad was assaulted, robbed and left unconscious in a restroom and then a few weeks later my husband was empanelled on a jury that totally consumed him. My world is usually lightness and joy, but all of a sudden I had come face to face with darkness and distress.
As I tried to fall asleep last Friday night the laughter kept dragging me into wakefulness and I was getting more frustrated by the minute, until a small voice popped into my head and said this; “Ok Claire why is this annoying you so much? Laughter is the language of the soul, it is love, it is light, it is joy, it is not meant to piss you off! What would you prefer to hear, peals of laughter or shouts of anger?”
Then it dawned on me!
I was annoyed because I wanted to be in that unit with those people laughing and having fun too. I felt like I hadn’t had fun in a long while. My life had become heavy and worrisome and I couldn’t see it changing soon.
After realising this, some words from a wise friend came to me. She said that when things were worrying you, you needed to let them pass through you. So I decided to try and let the laughter pass through me, instead of meeting it with resistance. I imagined myself with my friends and remembered evenings when we had rolled around with laughter and how good it had felt. I eventually fell asleep to the sound of laugher and when I woke up again at midnight the air was still and the night was silent. I smiled on the inside and thought how lovely it was that the ladies in that unit had gone to bed with laughter in their souls and their happiness accounts topped up.
The next time something or someone is really pushing your buttons stop for a moment and see if you can dig a bit deeper and find out why this is so. Sometimes we are so fixated on the issue and so intent on meeting it with resistance, we lose sight of the bigger picture – the WHY. Once I knew why the laughter was pushing my buttons I could start to put some lightness back into my life
So next week I am off to the movies with my bestie, I have a good book by my side, some walks by the river lined up and most importantly I am going to try and let the circumstances of the last three months pass through me because the more I hang onto them the more unhappiness they will bring me.
Letting go is hard to do, especially when the circumstances have had such a negative impact on you, but with some conscious effort it can be achieved.
If you need a good belly laugh to start the process click on the video below, it is one of my all time favourites.
Be happy, colour the world.
Claire
Great blog and a great reminder to see resistance as an opportunity to look deeper. And of course it was great that you spoke about the joy of laughter!! My favourite topic!! It is both the lightness and the darkness that help us grow and be the magnificent beings we truly are. Yeah!!!
Hi Maureen, thanks heaps for your comment. You of all people would connect with the laughter. It was so strange that the laughter was annoying me on that night but as you rightly said it is both lightness and darkness that helps us grow. Thanks for reminding me again, I need to keep hearing that. xxx
Well yet another enlightening blog my friend! Initially my heart and my eyes were filled with sadness as I read through your few months of sadness, knowing full well the toil they had taken on you or did I? You are also so upbeat and considerate, positive and kind and as you stated it is unusual for you to be annoyed by the joy others are experiencing. What you said, and the conclusion you came to made absolute and perfect sense to me, and yet again armed we with another tool I can place in my box to assist me when I too get annoyed (which unfortunately is fairly frequently lately!). Thank you for sharing your sadness and for turning it into light. Love to your family during this difficult time.
Thank you for such a heart felt response Nik. The richness and depth of life is woven through so many experiences and whilst some don’t feel that nice I know they all contribute to the beautiful quilt that is uniquely mine. I am learning to accept, embrace and let each experience pass through me. It will be a life long journey but one that is so worth while. I feel very blessed to have you woven through many of those beautiful fabrics.